It Came from Cosplay #5

Welcome back to hell, Internet Survivalists. This week again is another installment of It Came from Cosplay featuring Trashy Tifa. Remember that big-polygonned female sidekick from Final Fantasy 7, the game that the internet refuses to let die? We already saw the horror that comes from newer games in our last installment, but behold!

At least it covers her skin. But where's the plastic bag around the head? Honestly. If you're going to cosplay, you might as well either try and get laughed at, or don't do it at all. Either way, said people deserve humilitation and ridicule. This right here? That's downright retarded.

What's wrong with oh... actually wearing clothes? Like a REAL person? You're not a hurricane survivor. So for the love of vision, make it stop...

The tools of our youth...

Well, I'm back for another little bit of anger. Life's been busy, and I'd like to say that I now appreciate the days when I had to study math involving numbers that actually existed. With that out of my system...

...what the hell is this? What kind of worthless hippie parents bring their six-year olds to a rally? There's a little six year old girl there holding a sign for more Health Care and Jobs, yet she won't see either for another two decades. There's the kid who is probably like nine, holding a sign to free Mumia poster. For those who didn't know, Mumia is a black power radical charged for shooting two people twenty seven years ago. You heard me. Twenty seven years ago.

So now. Who the fuck cares? What really matters is that these kids are a representation of what I see all too much on the average college campus: People protesting shit they don't understand or even know a thing about. We've got Fox-news puppets about, wearing 'Commies never sleep: Why should we?' Shirts, and pussy rejects wearing Che Guevera shirts, despite the fact that 95 percent of them don't know who the fuck he is. Let me show you..

Yeah. If you're one of those bastards who thinks 'sticking it to the machine' somehow makes you cool, and this shirt is a sign of that... god. Just write 'wannabe fuckup' on your head and be done with it. Or maybe die, but make sure nobody finds your body like Che up there.

And for your information, the rhetoric those types spew is just as bad as the right-wing nonsense we keep hearing. Blaming your patheticness on 'Corporations' and 'The Machine' are just as bad as a hick blaming all of his problems on the national acceptance of Kwanza as a holiday, or that Gay French Jews exist somewhere.

Okay. I let that out. Next time: We'll look to Cosplay: For the poor! Yes, it's a combination of shameless fanism with lack of effort and/or talent. Seeya then.

Post it Note - Busy!

Minor Update. Temporary really. I'll be around to post a real bit later today or tomorrow, but for now... fear! Preacher Punch-Out!

http://www.abc.net.au/foreign/content/2005/s1462307.htm

It Came from Cosplay #4

Congratulations Internet Reader. You've got an amazing display of what's wrong with humanity today. Meet the cast of Final Fantasy X-2, your typical japanese game involving three Lesbians and their quest to save the world of Spira from the dangers of small busoms. Here are our three heroines, saviors of the world! Here is...

HORROR BEYOND IMAGINATION. The gravity coming from that stage is sucking the blood from my brain out my eyeballs as I vomit through my skull. This type of cosplay combines two very dangerous things. Lack of shame with lack of attractiveness.

Let's go through their characters' backgrounds now. Just to rub more acid in the still fresh wound.

To the left is the mysterious monotoning Paine, a young warrior with a totally mysterious past... no wait! She's a soccer mom, going through menopause, dressed in leathers. BLARGH.

In the center is the former high summoner Yuna Braska, a 19 year old adventurer whose bravery and self-sacrifice saved the world... or it could be a 32 year old virgin, wearing clothing that should not exist if there were a merciful god in heaven. Her treetrunk legs and exposed bellybutton curl paint on contact.

To the right at last is Rikku Al-Bhed, a shy 17 year old girl with a knack at technology and high spirits. Or... she could be a grandmother still wearing braces, going through some sort of strange altzheimer's induced trip where she believes she's a 17 year old bellydancer. Either way, this box of cyanide capsules won't consume themselves.

There you go. Another three reasons why North Korea should have nuclear weapons. Maybe if the world gets caught up in some kind of atomic shitstorm, we can be spared sights like this...

Evolution at work

Hey internet dwellers! It's been a while, but I found this bit of gold. Slightly dated, it offers a very good look at a source of great stupidity: Overzealous sci-fi fans. In this case, it's overzealous fans, gasoline, and too much time. Behold.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4575291.stm

Yes. That's right. These two dumbasses figured filling a tube with gasoline would make them a cool prop lightsaber... and not a molotov cocktail. At least they earned what was inevitable to these dumbasses, only in shrapnel form this time.

Until next rant, I may even have pictures then!

Nintendo and the iTard's Revenge!

Remember my last post, regarding the new Revolution controller, dubbed the iTard for it's white plastic blandness? Remember how 3 buttons were to be supported by weird attatchments that resembled adult toys? Now fear, as Nintendo shows how impractical they can be, by designing new attatchments that should by any sane designer be stand alone products. Behold!

The newfangled Fisher-Price Gamecube Controller attatchment brings you all the functionality of the already existing CG controller, while adding a bulky remote to the front! Oh, what can't we fix by adding that darn remote to it? How about actually just making it a controller, not a plug-in device perhaps, mmmm?

Oh, but we don't have to stop there. Look here, you can have your very own 12-Gauge remote control. Because light gun games totally didn't go out of style in 1994. Admittedly, those are cool games. But did we really need to slap the iTard on the front of this? What? Was a white plastic shotgun too menacing for young players?

Thank you anyway, Nintendo. Without you, we'd never be able to kill things while simultaneously channel-surfing. The Revolution clearly refers to an armed kind...