Nintendo, France and Urine...

For those who've been keeping track, the next generation of console game machines have long since been announced and info is gradually being released about some of them. Microsoft's XBox 360 has already been released and has almost double digit sales. Sony's Playstation 3 is equipped with a miraculous boomerang-shaped controller that can return to you after being flung at the screen for wasting you 800 dollars. And now, the Nintendo Revolution, with it's revolutionary remote control technology has a new name.

...it's now called, the Nintendo 'Wii'.

http://revolution.nintendo.com/

No fucking joke. It's now called 'Wii', not to be confused for 'Oui', which means Yes in french, or 'Wee' which is what comes out of my manly-end after drinking a Big Gulp of Sprite. When the hell did Nintendo get so lazy or stupid with naming conventions? Other game consoles are called stuff like 'Dreamcast' or 'Playstation'. Words that have meaning. But 'wii'? This sets a bad precedent of allowing disconnected syllables to become proper names. Imagine in the far-out future year of 200X, when kids beg their parents to buy them a brand new Nintendo Splorch.

Now what the hell is a 'wii'? Nintendo claims it means 'we', as in. You or me. The people who think it's a fucking retarded name. It represents two people, or two remote controls, clicking at the same time or some other bullshit regarding what letters look like. Let's quote Nintendo, shall we?

Wii will break down the walls seperating video game players from everyone else
Wii will put people more in touch with their games... and each other. But you're probably asking, what does the name mean?
Wii sounds like 'we' which emphasizes this console is for everyone
Wii can be easilly remembered by everyone around the world, no matter what language they speak. No need to abbreviate, just 'Wii'.
Wii has a distinctive 'ii' spelling that symbolizes both the unique controllers and the image of people gathering to play.
And Wii, as both a name and a console, brings something revolutionary to the world of video games that sets it apart from the crowd.
So that's Wii. But now, nintendo needs you.
Because it's not really about you or me.
It's about Wii.
And together, Wii will change everything.

So congratulations, Nintendo. You've hired high-school poetry writers, grading them on using metaphors. If I was a teacher, I'd give this a C-. Anyone else think the last line of this public statement sounds sinister? 'Wii' will change everything? What the hell is this, some James Bond superweapon?

Whatever. Wii is memorable alright. France pisses on Wii. Flame away, Nintendo-fans. Because goddamn, this is an unbroken chain of stupid. Revolution was a perfectly good name, but I suppose the Urinating French Overlords of Nintendo had bad experiences with revolutions before. God, I need to get the sound of that syllable out of my head.

(By the way, Regular Updates Monday or Tuesday from now on.)